Rhetorical Questions
by eatingpaper
Summary: Matsumoto Rangiku lies in bed, injured and hurting, and thinks about her lost love - Gin - and her obligation to Soul Society . Sequal to 'I Can Remember' RanGin


YAY. i've FINALLY posted this up. i'm so sorry, to whoever is reading this, for posting this up SO terribly late. the rough idea was forming, but homework and tests tore it to bits. i hope you can actually _understand_ whatever i wrote, and i hope that you would REVIEW. oh yes. this is the SEQUEL to _I Can Remember_, my other RanxGin 'oneshot' . i love this pairing to bits =3

Disclaimer - Bleach is obviously _NOT _mine, for i do no have the brains necessary to write a multi-chapter story ^^;;

ENJOY, please. and REVIEW. T.T

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It is dark. There is no lighting at all in the ward except for the eerie pale blue of the bubbling transfusion plant by your beside. The sun has gone down, leaving the stars twinkling through the square of sky. The wooden structure frames the night sky, showing the white stars lying scattered against the dark canvas of sky. You have not been still for so long.

Scattered

That's how you feel, right?

And there's something missing, isn't there?

It is cold. The darkness of the ward brings no warmth. You are gripping the edge of your sheet, your knuckles pale against the stark white. You shiver involuntarily at the remembrance of the last moments you had before you had collapsed on the floor. Your breath is visible, showing the lack of heat in the ward. You have not been warm for a long time.

Heartbroken

That's how you currently are, right?

And your heart's crying out, isn't it?

It is painful. Your stomach wound is throbbing slightly, and every harsh, ragged breath brings with itself a new spark of pain. Your heart isn't helping – it's adding to the burden. It is spilling over with grief, bleeding with sorrow and despair. You try to pick up the pieces. You can feel tears prickling the corners of your eyes. You have not been able to see clearly for so long.

Undecided

That's how your mind is now, isn't it?

And you have no idea which side to choose, do you?

You know it's going to hurt. Or rather, the hurting has already begun. Ever since the day the yellow light had engulfed him. You have no idea which side to choose. You don't know whether to go with your heart, or follow your sense of duty. It should be blindingly obvious that it would be better to follow your conscience, considering your heart was bleeding, battered and crying out for comfort.

It has been many days since you've woken up to stare at the clean beams of the ward. It has been even more times that your _taichou _has entered your ward, only to walk out disgruntled, annoyed and dissatisfied. It has been a long since you've been so silent.

There are no spider webs on the beams of the wards. There is no silvery feel of his name, no silvery ring of it spoken. There's nothing left to remind you of him – except for your memories.

Memories

They're haunting you, aren't they?

And you embrace them with open arms, don't you?

You love him, don't you?

You love him irrevocably. You have no words to express the _longing _for him, the _want, _the _need._ Your mouth threatens to betray your mind. It wants to speak his name. It wants to let the hoary ring of his name slip out. You want to say his name in pain; in rage; in pleas.

He had given you life, and you, likewise want him to keep on living. You want his heart to still beat, his lungs to continuously take in air. You want him to _be_, for the same reasons you wanted him to come back to your side.

You dare not say his name, you dare not answer your _taichou_ for your confirmation would lead to the addition of his sins. You want to be in the Winter War, you want to be by his side, you want to _get him back_.

You _know _what Aizen is doing is wrong. And therefore the only option is to _get him back_. You also know that the _soutaichou _would hardly pardon him for all he has done.

For _betraying_.

What will become of you, little cat, when your master has disappeared in the wind?

What will become of you, little, cat, when you have to choose between loyalty to your master, or loyalty to your comrades?

You keep on living. You keep on living because you master gave you the life. You keep on living so that you can bring your master back to your side. You keep on living because you want to be _there_.

You have gotten your wish. You are put safely in a ward, protected by a kidou cell, and kept away from the Winter War because of your condition. But is it really what you want? Is _not _meeting him what you _want?_ Is giving up the probable only chance you have to bring him back _really_ what you desire?

Why are you so undecided?

Why are you so _lost_?

Your wound is hardly healing, since you are half trying to make it heal, half making it _open_. You have no idea what you're doing. You have no idea which side to choose. You have no idea what you _want to do_. You have no idea...why you're living. You are so lost, your mind is in turmoil. You stare at the ceiling, seeing yet unseeing. The events of the Last Meeting replays in your mind again and again. You...

Your _taichou _leaves the ward day by day, unsatisfied and disappointed. He does not know the weight of your decision. He does not know that the decision is so important to you. To you and your heart. He does not know why you are hesitating. He expected you to tell him on the very first time he asked. He expected you to be angry with the inflictor – he expected you to _betray_

the one you love

It is morning, and the ward is slightly brighter. Your breathing has evened out, and your wound no longer hurts. The 4th Division shinigami which was in charge of changing the dressing for your wound is happy. It seems that your wound has healed.

Maybe it had been healed a long time ago, just that you didn't want to let the pain go. You didn't want the physical reminder he left to be erased.

Why didn't you want to let it go?

Why did you want to keep it, in the first place, when he was such a horrible person?

You while the time away by staring at the ceiling, trying to arrange your thoughts in an orderly manner. You know it's going to hurt. You know you _will _be in the Winter War. You know you will try to get him back. You know all these things...yet you have no idea as to which side to choose. Winning him back could mean winning him back to _your side_, but not to _Soul Society's _side. _Being _in the Winter War could mean that you were _by his side_, and not beside your _taichou's_.

Whatever the choice, it's going to hurt .

By the time your mind is made up, your _taichou _is back to ask you the same question.

_Doyatsu?_ He asks. Your gaze drifts to his stern, stressed expression. You can see his gaze softening at the sight of your own expression. You know why he is asking this mundane question. You know he already knows the answer. You know he simply asks because he needs confirmation.

Your mouth opens, but no words come out. Your voice is caught in your throat; your tears threaten to spill. Your stomach wound throbs painfully, your heart is aching, thudding as if it were _outside _of your body. Your carefully crafted answer crumbles, leaving the truth bared. You know the look in your _taichou's _eyes.

_Does _he understand?

Your _taichou _holds your gaze, and you sigh. He knows you're finally going to reply.

_Ichimaru Gin_

They're all just rhetorical questions – you know the answers to all of them already.

You nod – affirmative.

You'll be on the battle field. You'll be by your _taichou's_ side. You'll be up against him. You'll either lose to him, or bring him back. You'll show him the broken pieces he'd made of you. You'll show him the pent up frustration and anger you have been harbouring against him. You'll show him you love him, and you hate him at the same time.

Why

It's all just rhetorical questions

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There. the ending was like the weirdest, terrible-est thing ever, wasnt it. . in my opinion, the concept of rhetorical questions was portrayed VERY VERY VERY VERY badly in this story, but meh. _doyatsu_ translates more into '_which one_' , i think, and less of '_who'_ but meh. my jap is just about as horrible as my english.

i hope you guys were able to get what Ran's feeling, and that she's not some sappy, lovesick girlfriend who would scream I LOVE YOU the moment she sees her beloved Gin again. and NO! she's NOT emo, or a masochist. she simply can't bear to let go of Gin. or something like that. only a lousy author would have to explain her own story T.T

Review. Please XD


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